I’m ready to go… I guess? I’m in a weird place where nothing
feels different. I don’t think it’s hit me
that in less than 15 hours, I’ll be on an 18 hour flight back to the US. I’m REALLY excited to see people, go for a
run, and get a pedicure (I know that doesn’t sound like the first thing someone
should do when they get back from spending 2 months with people well below the “poverty
line”, but my feet are not socially acceptable in any kind of society). But I also don’t really know how I feel about
leaving. I found a letter I wrote to God
in March after our first team meeting at the Gleason’s house:
“DEAR GOD,
I’m writing this as I start preparing for this summer in
Ethiopia. It’s weird that this is
becoming a reality, but my heart also isn’t responding the way I thought it
would. It’s like when this wasn’t an
attainable thing I was so excited about it, but now that I’m actually going my
attitude feels different, but I think that’s because it’s become a
reality. I’m still pretty confident that
this is where you want me this summer: you were extremely faithful in answering
my prayer to meet Rudy’s wife and to send another girl from Tech. Granted, the result was WAY different
than I expected, but you tend to do that.
You have provided the Fleet scholarship that covers the expenses of my
trip – that’s AMAZING. So I don’t know
why I still have this anxious/icky feeling about going. Maybe because it’s unknown, or I feel like so
much is expected of me when I tell people I’m going to Africa. Maybe I feel like I’m conforming by going to
Africa. Maybe I know it’s gonna be hard
and I’m going to have to be so dependent on you and I’m afraid you won’t
meet me there. Maybe it’s because I’m
afraid we’re gonna go and do more harm than good, because I’ve heard so many
stories about mission trips gone wrong.
In reality, I think it’s a combination of all these things.
Lord I’m thankful that I can be honest with you about my
fears, but I pray that you would prove me wrong. That you would sweep in and reveal to me your
true character and your loving Spirit and your warrior heart. And I pray that I would see your
wonders and that this journey would lead us into a deeper, more real, and more
intimate relationship where I get to know your heart. I have no idea what this summer is going to
look like but I pray for a teachable spirit and a submissive heart and I pray
for the Spirit of wisdom and discernment when I’m down there and that you would
work through me and the team in powerful ways that we couldn’t conjour
on our own. I pray against a power
hungry summer where we seek to spread the ministry “BOK” but I pray for a
lifestyle of proclaiming Jesus’s name and watching the amazing
process of people getting to know the living God through your
Spirit. I pray that I would walk away from
this summer amazed by you and changed in a way that I could only
credit to you.
Thank you for choosing me even when I feel like I’m stacking
bricks to build a wall between us. Thank
you for continuing to knock the wall down in love, even when you know I’ll
start rebuilding it. Thank you for this
opportunity and this team, and I am so excited to EMBARK on this adventure with
you.”
(I tried to pick out excerpts, but I’m really bad at
condensing thing. And I realize there
were lots of grammar mistakes/run-on sentences, but I felt like a fraud making
edits since it was in quotes!)
After I read the letter, I realized that I’m kind of just in
awe of this summer. I’m in awe of the
fact that I got to spend a summer in Ethiopia.
I’m in awe of the way that Brittany and I were able to come together and
become friends even though we are SO different.
I’m in awe at the way I was able to find peace in submitting and in
serving as the “co-pilot” because that’s SO unlike me. I’m in awe at the fact that I was able to
spend 2 months across the world and still feel like my relationships with
people are the exact same. I’m humbled
by the way I was welcomed into this community and at the people who lay down
their lives and their agendas this summer to serve me and alongside me. I’m overwhelmed by the thankfulness that
people express as we start to leave because I just want to stop them and say “THERE
IS NO REASON YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME OR PRAISING GOD FOR ME. I am so
indebted to you because of the way that you served me and loved me and welcomed
me and taught me this summer!” I’m
amazed at the perfect way that things fell together this summer amidst the
constant chaos that it consistently was.
I still can’t believe that our team was able to work together amongst
the sometimes conflicting personalities (mainly because we’re all so
similar). I’m in awe at how quickly deep
relationships form because of the connection we have in what we believe, even
though we’re from different cultures and genders and languages.
Hopefully you get the picture… so in sitting here thinking
about why I feel so weird about leaving, I think it’s because I feel SO
blessed to have even had this opportunity in the first place. I think it’s gonna be weird how quickly
things go back to normal when I get home (I already scheduled the first 2
things on my google calendar) and as much as I don’t want to go back to “real
life”, I’m learning that this is “real life” (I know, “duh Marnie”… some things
just take me a while). In the same way
that my life in Georgia consists of hanging out with my friends, going on a
retreat, and starting to work at KC again, guardians here are still fighting daily
to start successful businesses and provide for their families, the staff here
is still asking daily for strength to lead these men and women to succeed, and
the youth are still going to be putting together small groups and figuring out
how to better minister to the rest of the college-aged kids in Burayu. I’ve been amazed at the similarities I’ve
seen this summer in people, the struggles that we go through, and the way we
form relationships. But it’s also weird to
think about how “real life” can be so drastically different.
I don’t know how I feel, but there’s me attempting to
articulate it. Since pictures are way
more fun and less confusing, here’s the last set before I get back to
America!!!!
Makasan group finishing their necklaces! |
Gudina with their finished necklaces!! They made 24 NECKLACES and most of them are GREAT... I was AMAZED by their group's dedication |
My Ambo Hooligans (Sima, Amansisa, Teressa, and Kumsa) |
RAW KITFO!!! Because you have to try it while you're in Africa, right? |
I got peer pressured into drinking my first machiatto, and I quasi enjoyed it. |