My bags are packed...

I’m ready to go… I guess? I’m in a weird place where nothing feels different.  I don’t think it’s hit me that in less than 15 hours, I’ll be on an 18 hour flight back to the US.  I’m REALLY excited to see people, go for a run, and get a pedicure (I know that doesn’t sound like the first thing someone should do when they get back from spending 2 months with people well below the “poverty line”, but my feet are not socially acceptable in any kind of society).  But I also don’t really know how I feel about leaving.  I found a letter I wrote to God in March after our first team meeting at the Gleason’s house:

“DEAR GOD,

I’m writing this as I start preparing for this summer in Ethiopia.  It’s weird that this is becoming a reality, but my heart also isn’t responding the way I thought it would.  It’s like when this wasn’t an attainable thing I was so excited about it, but now that I’m actually going my attitude feels different, but I think that’s because it’s become a reality.  I’m still pretty confident that this is where you want me this summer: you were extremely faithful in answering my prayer to meet Rudy’s wife and to send another girl from Tech.  Granted, the result was WAY different than I expected, but you tend to do that.  You have provided the Fleet scholarship that covers the expenses of my trip – that’s AMAZING.  So I don’t know why I still have this anxious/icky feeling about going.  Maybe because it’s unknown, or I feel like so much is expected of me when I tell people I’m going to Africa.  Maybe I feel like I’m conforming by going to Africa.  Maybe I know it’s gonna be hard and I’m going to have to be so dependent on you and I’m afraid you won’t meet me there.  Maybe it’s because I’m afraid we’re gonna go and do more harm than good, because I’ve heard so many stories about mission trips gone wrong.  In reality, I think it’s a combination of all these things.

Lord I’m thankful that I can be honest with you about my fears, but I pray that you would prove me wrong.  That you would sweep in and reveal to me your true character and your loving Spirit and your warrior heart.  And I pray that I would see your wonders and that this journey would lead us into a deeper, more real, and more intimate relationship where I get to know your heart.  I have no idea what this summer is going to look like but I pray for a teachable spirit and a submissive heart and I pray for the Spirit of wisdom and discernment when I’m down there and that you would work through me and the team in powerful ways that we couldn’t conjour on our own.  I pray against a power hungry summer where we seek to spread the ministry “BOK” but I pray for a lifestyle of proclaiming Jesus’s name and watching the amazing process of people getting to know the living God through your Spirit.  I pray that I would walk away from this summer amazed by you and changed in a way that I could only credit to you.

Thank you for choosing me even when I feel like I’m stacking bricks to build a wall between us.  Thank you for continuing to knock the wall down in love, even when you know I’ll start rebuilding it.  Thank you for this opportunity and this team, and I am so excited to EMBARK on this adventure with you.”

(I tried to pick out excerpts, but I’m really bad at condensing thing.  And I realize there were lots of grammar mistakes/run-on sentences, but I felt like a fraud making edits since it was in quotes!)

After I read the letter, I realized that I’m kind of just in awe of this summer.  I’m in awe of the fact that I got to spend a summer in Ethiopia.  I’m in awe of the way that Brittany and I were able to come together and become friends even though we are SO different.  I’m in awe at the way I was able to find peace in submitting and in serving as the “co-pilot” because that’s SO unlike me.  I’m in awe at the fact that I was able to spend 2 months across the world and still feel like my relationships with people are the exact same.  I’m humbled by the way I was welcomed into this community and at the people who lay down their lives and their agendas this summer to serve me and alongside me.  I’m overwhelmed by the thankfulness that people express as we start to leave because I just want to stop them and say “THERE IS NO REASON YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME OR PRAISING GOD FOR ME. I am so indebted to you because of the way that you served me and loved me and welcomed me and taught me this summer!”  I’m amazed at the perfect way that things fell together this summer amidst the constant chaos that it consistently was.  I still can’t believe that our team was able to work together amongst the sometimes conflicting personalities (mainly because we’re all so similar).  I’m in awe at how quickly deep relationships form because of the connection we have in what we believe, even though we’re from different cultures and genders and languages.

Hopefully you get the picture… so in sitting here thinking about why I feel so weird about leaving, I think it’s because I feel SO blessed to have even had this opportunity in the first place.  I think it’s gonna be weird how quickly things go back to normal when I get home (I already scheduled the first 2 things on my google calendar) and as much as I don’t want to go back to “real life”, I’m learning that this is “real life” (I know, “duh Marnie”… some things just take me a while).  In the same way that my life in Georgia consists of hanging out with my friends, going on a retreat, and starting to work at KC again, guardians here are still fighting daily to start successful businesses and provide for their families, the staff here is still asking daily for strength to lead these men and women to succeed, and the youth are still going to be putting together small groups and figuring out how to better minister to the rest of the college-aged kids in Burayu.  I’ve been amazed at the similarities I’ve seen this summer in people, the struggles that we go through, and the way we form relationships.  But it’s also weird to think about how “real life” can be so drastically different.

I don’t know how I feel, but there’s me attempting to articulate it.  Since pictures are way more fun and less confusing, here’s the last set before I get back to America!!!!

Makasan group finishing their necklaces! 

Gudina with their finished necklaces!! They made 24 NECKLACES and most of them are GREAT... I was AMAZED by their group's dedication

My Ambo Hooligans (Sima, Amansisa, Teressa, and Kumsa)

Neguse!!! He was the owner of the restaurant in Ambo that we ate at EVERY Weds. and Friday, and 12 times when the American team was here.  He was also the only one who knew what I meant when I ordered salsa with my omelet. We got a good picture together, but I thought this one was way funnier.

RAE - this one is for you!!!!! You'd be proud of me - I didn't make him take the shirt off, try to rip it, or even insult it.  Instead I told him that you would be so excited for him (I also told him that in English, but he heard your name and smiled) 

RAW KITFO!!! Because you have to try it while you're in Africa, right?

I got peer pressured into drinking my first machiatto, and I quasi enjoyed it. 

The Ambo Team! Surprisingly, these guys were the hardest to say bye to.  Such amazing people with HUGE hearts for those they are serving.  It's reassuring to know that the ministry is being left in such solid hands, but it's still hard to leave them.

The Youth Leader retreat!! (Check out Brittany and I's SWEET Ethiopian garb that Misganaw and the SVO staff gave us to thank us for this summer! Brittany said I wasn't allowed to wear it on the plane though :[)  I left SO humbled by these guys - by their dedication to their ministry, to each other, and the way that we could feel like friends even though we've known each other for such a short period of time.



p.s. Remember how I calculated crying into every part of my schedule? It's only happened ONCE so far and it was when we were saying bye to the Ambo staff.  Little victories.

See you soon, America!