Past couple days have been a roller coaster. Starting a new class where the professor actually expects us to be committed to school and do lots of work outside of class, sunny days mixed with cold and windy ones, recovering from lack of sleep in London and preparing for this weekend... it's been a lot.
Emotions are funny to me because they are extremely powerful, are affected by lots of things (weather, food, exercise, people, etc.), and can be changed SO easily. Yesterday was one of those days where I didn't feel like doing ANYTHING. I got back from class, packed, and then laid around until dinner time when I decided it was time to get up and do something. I was torn between wanting to rest and wanting to explore, and then getting mad at myself for either not resting or for wasting precious time in Ireland. And when you're already not feeling motivated, frustration never helps, so I ended up bumming around until 6:00 hit and I decided I had to force myself out of my room.
I ended up going for a walk and got to listen to a sermon by Pastor Leonce at Renovation Church. He talked about how we've stopped expecting God to be God (I would HIGHLY recommend it if you need something to think about and want to go for a good walk - http://www.renovationchurch.com/sermons/expecting-god-to-be-god/). It hit me in a lot of places that I've been thinking through lately, but the main thing I got out of it was how I've limited God to what I imagine Him to being. Yes, I have the Bible and stories about what He's done, but at the end of the day my understanding of God is limited to who I've seen Him to be and it's really hard for me to trust that He "exists" outside of that. That he still performs miracles and that HE transforms lives and it's not just the power of our minds. That God can still speak to us and heal us and do all of the things that He says He can do. And when I don't pray or ask Him for things or take time to recognize the things that he's doing, I'm limiting my understanding of Him which limits my worship of Him which limits what I'm ultimately made to do, which is glorify Him.
So yesterday I'm thinking through all this and trying to journal down some thoughts. I was frustrated and overwhelmed and excited that I'm getting somewhere all at the same time. And I was reading through Isaiah 7-8 where God is speaking to the people of Jerusalem. He's just gone through promising them a messiah to come in the future, but then he starts building covenants with them as a sort of "short term promise" to build their faith in Him. It reminded me of what I see Him doing now. We have the promise of Jesus and that one day He's going to come back and his followers will be redeemed, but sometimes that feels like SUCH a foreign concept and such a long way off. But I think God shows up in little ways (and sometimes in huge ways) day in the same way that he showed up to his people a lot of years ago (I really should know the amount of time between the old testament and new testament better) to remind us that He is here and we can actually trust in His word and promises.
Favorite part of the journal entry (post 2 pages of Marnie venting about frustrations/doubts/the struggle of faith): "But then I see you providing answers and changing desires and giving me a heart for you and sermons that speak directly to where I'm at. That call me out on not letting you be God and on limiting you to my understanding of who you are rather than letting you define who you are. Or stopping me in the middle of my walk to find a perfect spot to sit along the river with SWANS and reflect on you. And even though this is a crappy pen, there are swans.
And then I just don't know anymore"
God is good.
Here are some pics from the last few days!
Emotions are funny to me because they are extremely powerful, are affected by lots of things (weather, food, exercise, people, etc.), and can be changed SO easily. Yesterday was one of those days where I didn't feel like doing ANYTHING. I got back from class, packed, and then laid around until dinner time when I decided it was time to get up and do something. I was torn between wanting to rest and wanting to explore, and then getting mad at myself for either not resting or for wasting precious time in Ireland. And when you're already not feeling motivated, frustration never helps, so I ended up bumming around until 6:00 hit and I decided I had to force myself out of my room.
I ended up going for a walk and got to listen to a sermon by Pastor Leonce at Renovation Church. He talked about how we've stopped expecting God to be God (I would HIGHLY recommend it if you need something to think about and want to go for a good walk - http://www.renovationchurch.com/sermons/expecting-god-to-be-god/). It hit me in a lot of places that I've been thinking through lately, but the main thing I got out of it was how I've limited God to what I imagine Him to being. Yes, I have the Bible and stories about what He's done, but at the end of the day my understanding of God is limited to who I've seen Him to be and it's really hard for me to trust that He "exists" outside of that. That he still performs miracles and that HE transforms lives and it's not just the power of our minds. That God can still speak to us and heal us and do all of the things that He says He can do. And when I don't pray or ask Him for things or take time to recognize the things that he's doing, I'm limiting my understanding of Him which limits my worship of Him which limits what I'm ultimately made to do, which is glorify Him.
So yesterday I'm thinking through all this and trying to journal down some thoughts. I was frustrated and overwhelmed and excited that I'm getting somewhere all at the same time. And I was reading through Isaiah 7-8 where God is speaking to the people of Jerusalem. He's just gone through promising them a messiah to come in the future, but then he starts building covenants with them as a sort of "short term promise" to build their faith in Him. It reminded me of what I see Him doing now. We have the promise of Jesus and that one day He's going to come back and his followers will be redeemed, but sometimes that feels like SUCH a foreign concept and such a long way off. But I think God shows up in little ways (and sometimes in huge ways) day in the same way that he showed up to his people a lot of years ago (I really should know the amount of time between the old testament and new testament better) to remind us that He is here and we can actually trust in His word and promises.
Favorite part of the journal entry (post 2 pages of Marnie venting about frustrations/doubts/the struggle of faith): "But then I see you providing answers and changing desires and giving me a heart for you and sermons that speak directly to where I'm at. That call me out on not letting you be God and on limiting you to my understanding of who you are rather than letting you define who you are. Or stopping me in the middle of my walk to find a perfect spot to sit along the river with SWANS and reflect on you. And even though this is a crappy pen, there are swans.
And then I just don't know anymore"
God is good.
Here are some pics from the last few days!
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| This is what happens when it's sunny in Ireland |
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| Salmon + cream cheese + bagel sandwiches!!! |
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| Funny when the same suitcase you pack for the entire trip is the same suitcase you take home for a weekend. |
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| THE SWANS |
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